It has been almost two months since I wrote my last entry. I was 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant when I delivered my GORGEOUS little boy Nicolas James on January 16th, 2013. I was miserably pregnant and was sooo ready to deliver him! I delivered Nico at 10:30 (on the dot) that morning by cesarean. I had been in labor for 24 hours and the contractions paused at 9cm for six hours. Nicolas was positioned sideways, so my ob decided to send me for a C-section. I was devastated to deliver this way because my entire pregnancy I envisioned being able to push and have the doctor place him on my chest and have my mom and husband by my side...so my vision was taken from me within moments and that was pretty devastating. On the other hand, my mom reminded me that everything happens for a reason and that God was on my side. I knew she was right and I knew I would have my baby boy soon so I put on my brave face as the nurses wheeled me away to the operating room. I was pretty scared. I went from the dimly lit comfortably warm room with my family to a freezing cold, very bright operating room filled with at least ten staff members. I was overwhelmed and scared but when they let my husband come by my side a few moments later, I felt better. He rubbed my head while the anasthesiologist talked to me. I don't recall specifics about the conversation, I just remember being thankful someone was talking to me! The surgery went very quickly. The most memorable part was when the doctor asked my husband if he wanted to see, he said yes, stood up and I heard him say "Wow..." Moments later, I heard my son's first cry. Sweet relief! Tears filled my eyes. I was hearing my sweet little boy for the first time. I had imagined that moment for nine months and it finally happened. I craned my neck as far as possible trying to see him but there were too many staff members in the way. I was EXHAUSTED. I could barely move my head, but boy did I try...all I wanted was to see him. I got a glimpse of his little feet. I remember when they announced his birth weight, 9lbs and 1oz, 21 & 3/4 inches long and born at 10:30 on the dot! They swaddled up my big boy and put a little hat on his head, then handed him over to my husband behind me. If I turned my head I could see them together. I could barely keep my eyes open, but I fought to and when they did close, I just listened to my husband talk and talk so sweetly to our baby. I was blessed by those first moments of them together. How precious it was to listen to my husband speak to his new, tiny child.
I longed to hold him and I was jealous my husband got to hold him first, but I was content too. Child birth brings a range of emotions. It's amazing.
My son is 5 weeks old now. I have one more week home with him before I return to work. I haven't been away from him for more than a couple of hours, so I am having anxiety about leaving him. I am thankful to work for an employer who understands the family life, so he has been generous to work with me to develop a schedule I am comfortable with. My son is sweet, he smiles and coos. He is very active with his little hands and feet. I love to see him kick. He loves his elephant toy that plays music and the mommy bear that plays a heartbeat sound. I am breastfeeding and he is a noisy eater LOL. He can be fussy, but overall he is very calm. He uses his face to show us a display of expressions...some serious, some curious and some just downright funny! I love watching him. In these five weeks he has gone from 9lbs & 1oz down to 8lbs & 3oz then now up to 11lbs and 8oz! Big boy ^_^
I never knew I could feel this much love. I have gazed at him in awe and cried tears of joy. He completes me. I am SO proud to be his mommy. I cherish every little moment with this baby that God has blessed my life with and I will do everything I can to teach him the ways of God, to love people, to love himself and to be a good man...but for now, he's my little baby boy sleeping on my chest with his fuzzy hair & I couldn't be happier.
