Woman

I saw him driving the gypsy caravan

He stopped to ask me if I was alone

Looking around, could barely breathe

I glanced back like "are you talking to me?"

Come on baby, I'll show you the desert

And he took my hand and pulled me up on that leather 

Star gazing nights and fireflies

He was a dark skinned man

With electricity in his eyes 

Thunder in his bones and wind burnt cheeks

A rugged man, he's what I need 

Walk around this barren land 

And I find I miss his burly hands 

Who can say where men like him go

If anyone knew, I am still the last to know

So I lay down here, on the grass

The same way he did and remember our past

Mountain top views and biting my lips

He brought me to life

Girl to woman transition 

Never in your life does that feeling fade

Of the hands of the man who made you a woman 

Thin wire

You came in my life

Your choice was clear

Hunting me down on the day to day

You took me down to the park

Walking the trails

Winding roads with wind in my hair

Quick glances, kissing my lips so swiftly

Your sarcastic ways of lighting my fire

I felt myself wanting you

But you played it so cool

Conflicted and confused

I wasn't sure what to do

So I took myself, gave it some time

The more I thought it over, I wanted to rewind

I don't wanna know you anymore

I don't wanna see your face when I close my eyes

I don't wanna smell you on my shirt

Or feel paralyzed by your looks, by your lips 

Baby by your cool manner of leaving me hanging 

So I walked away

Cut it all off, good bye

And when I came back around

You accepted me with a smile

But the very next day you became cruel 

Your heart was different and I felt your rage

Your inability to forgive or forget

So I took myself, gave it some time

The more I thought it over, I wanted to rewind

I don't wanna know you anymore

I don't wanna see your face when I close my eyes

I don't wanna smell you on my shirt

Or feel paralyzed

By your looks, by your lips 

Baby by your cool manner of leaving me hanging 

I can't linger 

On a wire that's so so thin

And I won't wait here

For you to decide I'm worth letting in 

So this is good bye 

Kiss kiss baby, have a good life 

May 30, 2014

I don't want to fight through life

I have it now

let me in your life
let me in your mind
cuz lately I've been finding time
to kill
and just when I had all my ducks in a row
the tide came in & let them go

so

come to my shelter
come to my rescue
come to me baby
cuz now I need you

everytime I fell
I fell right in your arms
and every time you cried
I would be the one
to make you smile

what is this give?
what is this take?
so many questions
that can't be erased
you don't know I am thinking of you now

so

come to my shelter
come to my rescue
come to me baby
cuz now I need you

Your bourbon

I don't want your nights or your bourbon anymore
I'll pass if you ask to take me for a ride in your car

If you text me, I'll pretend I never noticed
When you call me I will let it ring, ring, ring

you lay your head down on your pillow
or you smoke your cigarrette on your back porch
and you think of how I used to wander there
through the halls and dancing in your kitchen

I think you'll miss it

I'm not a perfect girl
not a cruel girl either
and I would have never hurt you on purpose
make me your enemy
I don't take it personally

not when I bent over backwards again & again
just to try to get you to SEE me

I don't have anything to prove anymore

I can't impress you

The hotter I burn, the colder you freeze
and your prickly edges make me bleed
I have tried so hard, gave it my best efforts
just to feel your scorn
admitting your refusal to let go
It's validated, there's nothing I can say
No actions I can take to help you

I wish I could stir a reaction in you
but your distant gaze has you in a darker place
you're stuck in a hell hole, you dug it yourself
and I'm starting to believe you enjoy it

Twisting my words and pointing the finger
you take no responsibility here
I want to choke you and I would love to love you
but I can do neither
hands tied behind my back and tape over my lips
a prisoner to your will, I bent at your every whim

but like the twins of Gemini, I broke free of the old me
I acknowledge the duality in myself
the light, the dark - the shadow and the flame
I don't feel sorry for you anymore
your hands are broken and bleeding
because you grip your pride so tightly

remove the tape, fuck - I'll do it myself
and rubbing this rope around my wrists on bricks
I'm not your slave, not your whipping post, no
you don't even notice my presence until I am walking away
and you desperately ask me to stay
how many times have I done that now, just to be ignored by you again

no matter how many head stands or cart wheels I do,
I can't impress you
singing you the best song I know
writing you the most meaningful words in my mind
hugging you and touching your cheek
kissing your face and seeing you week by week
your battle isn't with me, though you pretend it to be

it's a shame you're so far gone
a waste of such a beautiful man
you seemed so unique and so special but
you are so tragic and you lost your magic

Lost in reality

Tap my shoulder, I whirl around

Gaze up into gray eyes, so hauntingly profound

Who is this stranger? Resembling a beautiful danger 

I'm intrigued and mystified, so much intensity on my radar

Take my hand, next we are dancing 

Looking in my eyes and it's too much to bear

I shyly move my gaze away 

So much electricity in those eyes

Flashes of fire, coursing through our touch

I have to ask myself, have you ever felt this much?

Silent and strong, he moves effortlessly

And in the smoky room, I'm feeling dazy

Light breaks through & I'm back in my body

Waking up from a dream, I'm lost in reality 

Soul

Sitting in an incense fog

The aroma of moon dust in the air 

I breathe in the good & release what I no longer need here

If I'm tense sometimes it's because I care so damn much

But every night, like tonight 

I take time to realign 

I'm working on me and forgiving the past

Ready to march forward and forget the rest

Collecting gemstone treasures of the Earth

And reaching for love inside myself,

Even when it hurts

I can't bear to look sometimes,

To let my selfish pride show through

But if I repress any part of me

I'm of no service to you 

Little wide eyes watching me

So I let go of youthful vanity 

It's a process, I'll admit that

Hard to hold on to anger

And I'm happy to let that go

My best friend is my soul 

And I'm finding the most peace in that 

Crown and coke

I've got my blue bow and red lips

You come up behind me

& Put your hands on my hips

The blood is rushing

My heart pulsating

Thunder in my veins 

And lightning in the ceiling 

Lay me next to your whiskey bottle

And trace my lips with the drops so slow

Hold me under your body 

And keep control

Whatever I want 

Keep it out of reach, so slightly 

If you want me to stick around

Then keep me in pain 

I crave the blood, the tears

And I bond in the tension

I need your resurrection  

Bleed easy

Eyes like a child

And you love to tease me

Runnin' round on the ground

All while feeling kinda spacey 

Who knows where this will go

All we have is the moment 

And I'm thinking of you 

When I know I shouldn't 

How do we tell our mind 

To tell our heart

To tell our soul

To cut it off? Shut it out. 

Hell if I know

You're electric, eccentric 

Careless with my heart

But not as bad as the man before you

So I cuddle up real close

Lay my head in your lap

Knowing you're probably thinking of her

The one who broke your heart

And I'm the distraction 

But what is life after childhood

Except moment after fucking moment 

Of covering the scars left from the scraped knees of being 16?

You get high on whatever you need

While I bleed easy

And I will pretend you're who I want

As long as you fake it, I'm the woman you need 

Intensity

Intensity surrounds me

Forces me to find a resolution

It's better than a Neptune dream

Where I'm lost in a cloud of confusion

Forced to feel things that hurt so deeply

I'm looking back, but pushed forward

Next thing I know I feel six feet under

Dead to the world but a fire is building inside 

I'm rising back and feeling the hunger 

Been trampled on and I remove the sword from my back

I find I like the scars and the blood stains

Once so bright eyed, now I feel a rage 

I'll let it ensue and unravel 

Just like the journey that lays before me

Suspended in air

You're so strange

Sometimes you seem downright deranged

Unattached, aloof - too cool to show me the corners of your heart

Barred up and icy eyes

You only look at me when your words won't do

Cross your arms casually behind your head and wait for me to kiss your neck 

Never touching me back

Suspended in air, hanging from your nooce

Only a woman like me

Wouldn't feel scorned by a man like you

I'm playful and bounce back easily

The fog that surrounds is pleasing to me

When I do get fed up 

I storm off 

And with your subtle power 

You stop me when my hands on the door knob

If I quit you, I would deny the darker side of me

And I love embracing it, you make it easy

I'll go

Maybe at some point you'll think of how i could have loved you

And maybe you won't because you'll still be trapped by your defenses 

I could have brushed the hair out of your face when you're looking down at me

I could've tucked my head under your chin and cuddled you so tightly

You could've held my hand and kissed it with gentleness

But here we are 

I'm on a limb and you're hiding in bushes

Your fear is casting shadows and my anger radiates 

I wish I could hate you

And curse your name

But that's not me & this is not a game

When I fell, god knows I fell hard

But the cracks in the ground left you scarred

Tank top in my closet that I refuse to wash

It smells like your aftershave and I like that a lot

I know it isn't personal

And you're waging a war

But if you could see I'm on your side

Then this war would be no more

I can't help you because you won't help yourself

You're the most frightened creature I have ever met

It feels like you hate me but I remind myself it isn't me at all

You've closed off so many parts of yourself and built a steel wall

You can't even look me in the eye

And fear is your cloak

So since you repel my love

I guess I'll go 

Handsome Coward

You're a weak man hiding behind a James Dean kinda face

You don't wanna love me

I don't know what you want & you sure as hell don't. I wish I could get my time back, but heaven knows I won't. 

Your fear is greater than anything & you're a coward blowing smoke 

A woman in love

A woman, like me, in love

Radiates energy and a bit of insecurity

Needing reassurance not because she doesn't love herself

But rather because she wants to know, over & over - that you do

A woman in love

Feels deeper than the ocean

And as vastly as the galaxy 

She infuses love in her cooking

In her kissing, her lovemaking 

She's unsure sometimes and can wonder about you 

She wants to be your prize

The woman you want to come home to

She'll wear lipstick and high heels

And paint her nails a red color

She will put flowers in her hair and perfume on her neck 

All for her lover

She'll find out what his likes are

Surprise him with sweet notes in his lunch 

And she'll wanna ride in his fast car

In the dark, under the stars 

A woman, like me, in love

Has eyes only for her lover

She'll scratch your back and rub your face

And love you like no other

Drive

I get so hooked on my own ideas 

But you have your own plans

It's true that we find a happy middle

But that's always at 2am

I can't let this go on 

But I hold on bc I don't want to lose you

And I kinda like needing you

But my friends say it's taking over

And they think you don't give a damn

But I know you do 

When you're close to me

Lying next to me there so guarded

I ache to please you 

And quiet your fears

Smoking, drinking, driving your fast car

You're alone thinking and numbing the past

You don't get too far

Could you take a chance on me?

Is the past all you see 

when you look at me?

Honey, I'm not to blame

I'm here on the edge,

Hands tied behind my back

And I bleed 

I smile for you to keep us both up

Play with you to show you what could be

You're fine for a while then you withdraw again

And I'm alone and waiting for that chance again 

I'd do it over, a thousand more times

To give you closure, to ease your mind

Because when I look at you,

I see the sweetest man 

And I would love to love you

Like you know I can

Forget fear

Forget fear

Forget what they've taught you

And just FEEL for a while 

Ciggarettes

As much as I hate cigarettes

man, you can make it look sexy

Smoky swirl from your lips pulls me in and under your web

A web that I'm not sure you intended to spin

The closer I am, the further I fall

You slick back your hair 

And that's not all

Lopsided grin, you're "the outsiders" all in one

Breathing faster

Don't make it go away