I don't want to know

I don't want to know 

If you're not coming here

I don't want to know

If she's the reason you're so unclear

I don't want to know

Anything that could taint my image of you

Because these rose colored glasses

Provide a lovely lense of life

I enjoy seeing my life thru a filter

And being in love with people who're damaged, bc I'm no quitter

I believe in leaving people better than how you found them 

So I don't want to know 

If you don't love me

I don't want to know

If your plan is to forget me

I don't want to know

If you won't stay 

Fine line

Last night it seems a veil was lifted

Emotions suspended under a dark moon

Sidestepping around

But we found middle ground 

Two unusual but gifted people

You melt away the defenses I've built.

I told you I don't know how connections transpire

But for certain you've given rise to my desires 

I've imagined getting tipsy and stupid with you

then I'll have an excuse for doing things I wouldn't usually do

No way of knowing if you'd change your mind 

This is just a risk, a very fine line

New moon of June

Click here to read about this particular month's new moon & the energy she brings us.

Irish bar

Tell me how to forget you

To erase the memories & the pain

If that means I'd be happier

Then I'm game

I want to rewind to the day

That we exchanged numbers

And see something that would've made me change my mind 

I want to forget the night of that vinyl sound

Escaping in the evenings to the Irish bar

You'd play pool & smoke your cigarettes

We made casual conversation in that smoky atmosphere 

That was how the intensity grew 

A not-so-subtle frequency emitted between me and you

Someone please introduce me to a nice guy

Who has a different shade of hair

The kind who knows I'm what he wants

Gentle, understanding, a man who would be there

Because on evenings such as this

Twilight colors on my porch 

Motorcycle rumbles by and I wish it were yours 

glass world

you built a glass wall between us
& I could break your fragile world
if I wanted to
at first I thought you constructed this
to protect yourself from the way you perceive me
but after some introspection and recollecting our words
I've realized these shiny fragments, you elevated them for me
a resident in your delicate prison,
you're protecting me from my own delusion
of what we could have been, from the darkness you posess
because you're not ready for me to see
but in your attempt, babe, you're efforts are so frigid
& the most challenging part is accepting
that you have severed our once sweet connection

Update

Apart from writing my free verse, I would also like to share some links I find helpful regarding what's happening in the cosmos. Many close to me know I reference astrology every day regarding various aspects of my life.
I don't consider myself a helpful teacher so instead, I would like to share my resources here.

I also use herbs/essential oils, yoga & gemstones for many spiritual practices. Again, these are not topics I feel comfortable "teaching", but I am happy to share some resources I have used while studying.

Click here for some benefits of sage smudging. The article explains what "smudging" is if you're not aware. Personally, I use white sage to clear negativity & for spiritual grounding. I didn't love the smell when I first started using it, but I have to say I have really grown to love & anticipate the aroma.

I hope you find them as enlightening as I have.

-ab

New Moon in Cancer later this week, Neptune Retrograde Period

Memo

I don't write for anyone but myself. 

and when he calls

he calls for me & not for you

Full Moon Lion

they say I'm torturing myself, that I should "let it go"
but do they understand how it felt being by your side?
our way of just being next to each other, no words required
the words were what causedproblems & their dynamite meanings
you'd disentangle yourself & leave me so susceptible feeling
if I could have let things ride, maybe you'd still be by my side
you'd still pull me on your lap & I could breathe you in
I never paid attention to such trivial things before I knew you
now all I can think about are those little things
feeling your hair between my fingers, the magnetism you cast
you don't understand your capacity, your narcotic effect on me
when I met you under that Lion full moon,
I never dreamed it wouldn't last

Different people

Told me if you "wake up" that you'd come knocking my door down

If you know you'll want that eventually,

Then honey why not now? 

Discussions in the dark so I can't see your face

The emotion is so imminent, my heart all set to race

We're just different people, you say sometimes

I don't care about different, I care about you

And the hardest part is accepting, you don't see it that way too

Lonely tonight

Loneliness is a peculiar thing. I enjoy solitude, but sometimes I would really like someone to turn around & speak to. 

-ab

Your elements

Plagued with dreams of you

Even in sleep I can't escape your face

You had more power over me than I knew

Worst of it is, you don't want me, at least not all the time 

Red lips, red nails and my best blue jeans but you still see right thru me 

What does that mean? 

Hopelessly wishing you'd try to find

Something worth loving in me

Some say I've done this to myself

That you spelled it out from day one 

And I'm only kidding myself 

But I've felt the fire of your touch

And the iciness of your words

Your elements seem to fuel my world

Maybe if there was another woman

Then I could feel better

Cuz lord knows I refuse to compete 

But I would laugh at you for thinking she could do it better

You'd be the one feeling this defeat

I wouldn't have to suffer or hide my tears

My pride would go into automatic and I would survive 

But there's not a trace of another's perfume 

No strands of hair on your leather jacket

I haven't seen any stray jewelry near your bed 

No, it's a harsher reality, you just don't want me so for that, I may as well be dead 

Burning blue

Do we have to stay silent? Never removing the tape from our mouths?

Can we get a little honest and find the right words for the now?

How many times have we stood here until I became desperate and you turned cruel?

I was already a flame and you were my gasoline

I burned blue after I turned to you

These violent evenings were a torture on the inside

I'm screaming so loud but no words are coming out

You're bursting at the seams, not saying anything cuz you don't wanna hurt me

But it does babe, it hurts anyway

Refusal

I won't sing songs that these guys write about other women. 

-ab 

Little boy

Subjected to your juvenile limitations

How amusing when I'm above your every expectation 

Petty little boy runnin round without a clue 

I've said it before, I repeat myself

I don't fucking need you 

Maybe you're intriguing but I find it displeasing that you're only capable of fantasizing

Try to stun me with a reality instead of your pointless words

I'm bored with your lines and you're running out of my time 

lonely

I feel lonely this week even though I've had some very lovely company. I suppose that happens to everyone?

-ab

We don't care

I like a sad boy, a kinda mad boy

The one with mommy issues

And blames it on every girl

I like to hear his stories

Bout all those bitches

Who treated him wrong

But yet here he is

You're an overcomer, you're so strong

That's what I say to him when he pulls me in 

I don't know if he believes me, hell do I care? 

He just likes the attention, just having me there

So I can lay here again 

While we listen to your vinyl 

And after some bourbon you'll tell me it's all fine

I won't believe you, but what the hell do you care?

You just like the attention, just having me there

You say you're so turned on

And you look so hungry

I laugh at you because I find it funny

You're a hopeless boy inside a tough man's body

I can't help but want you, oh the irony 

We'll say we love each other

But will they believe us?

We don't care, we just love the attention 

Xo

Gold & glitter

Make me your muse, your main course

Put me up high on a pedestal

I feel like being worshipped for the rest of my life

If you're lost, lonely or hurt

If you're looking to fill a void,

Baby I'm your girl 

Life happens so fast and I'm so impatient 

So crown me now with gold and glitter

Thinking bout how I been lonely too long 

Too much time to think 

And loving myself got too boring so quick 

I want you to do it, so...

If you're lost, lonely or hurt

If you're looking to fill a void,

Baby I'm your girl 

Life happens so fast and I'm so impatient 

So crown me now with gold and glitter

Shady acres

Existing in Your own world

Hiding among your Shady acres

Your shadowy persona

And only emerging to smoke your cigarettes 

Sip a bit of bourbon while you sit by your billowing bonfire

Smoke unfurls around you 

I think you must've inhaled that black smoke into your soul 

Hazel eyes so cloudy now 

You wouldn't know how to love me

Cuz you're hanging back with hazy memories 

I think you still see her

Feeling bitter she left you in the rain

Who could understand you? Choosing not to move on, but choosing to coexist with your pain 

Knight of Swords

*~*

Neon Meteor 

Beautiful while you're here 

But gone in the blink of my eye

Wolf

Put me in the same place as you

Where I'd feel you take a glance or two

You'd miss me, you'd wanna kiss me

But you won't admit it to anyone

You can't outrun the voices in your mind

Recalling all the moments we shared in the dark 

Flashing back to when you would tickle me, 

How you would hold me down against the bed 

You're a freak, a wolf with a muffled cry 

You say you're so shy

But I think it's bullshit

You're just a coward

When I became forward 

You took a bow out

I can't cope with your way of being

So when you pulled away I didn't see the point of believing 

Kingdom for two

Let her worship you

Your own little kingdom for two

Making no room for the people who actually love you

She only idolizes you

I hope you never fall from your throne

Cuz if you do then she'll see the real side of you

A coward who slips away to see me

A childish boy who believes his facade completely

Don't worry, dear one, I won't out you

All things come to light somehow

I never asked you to sneak around or to hide me

But you're too weak to admit you still desire me 

I was first, you won't forget that

I released you and don't want you back

You're a coward and a liar and pretentious 

Seeing you with her confirms this 

Piss off

This may sound a little bitter

But it's best to express it 

Or it'll become litter in my mind

You two deserve each other

Mentally on the same level

One is immature and insecure

The other so full of pride

I could smack you in your God damn face

For neglecting to see pain you cause in others

But I stepped back, stayed aside

Watching while you calculate your hatred

She is high on a power trip

And you're just fucking pussy whipped

What I would give to have a day in your face

To scream, to cuss and punch you in the face

But this rage doesn't serve me

And when I feel it rise, I exhale it out

Neither of you are worth my energy

Bc obviously you've never been what I'm about 

?

Where do you go when you're gone? 

Head first

Run right back 

Your Circle figure pattern

I can't follow that unending track 

Lonely, so sad 

living in your blue world 

Don't drag me down there too

I'm on my way to you

Guess bc I fell head first

And you make me feel the best 

You make me feel the worst 

6/5/14

I sang for the first time last night in a long while 

Whoa 💚

That felt like being alive again. Soul wide open, passion back aflame. 

-ab 

Thorn in my side

I tried to close off the softer parts of me, the vulnerability
the harder I try, the more I fail and the blood seeps through my will

if I give up, will I see you on the other side?

chained down, back against the wall, thorn in my side
the way these struggles weigh me, I'm feeling the pressure of it all

my life wasn't painted in golden glitter
I've got the shades of gray in my mirror

your night siren*~

these violent nights
turn into day
balancing on a tight rope
on the edge of fury

the deepest emotions I ever felt
were provoked by you
a dark man, empty man
emotional vampire, taking all my energy

these strange desires
you awaken in me
hug my pillow,
let my imagination take me back to you

you call me your night siren
drew you in with a sad lullaby
now you want every part of me