Smudge

I'm smuding using white sage for the first time tonight. Since it is the last day of 2013 I decided this is the best way to rid the negative, heavy energy & move into the new year under the new moon with positive vibes & pure love radiating every where

I have no more room for toxic relationships, liars, people who are self interested, using me, manipulating me, etc... I have experienced too much of that. I'm pulling inward this new year to myself to focus on reading, studying, bettering my mind set & blazing a new path for me & Nico. I have to keep my eye on the prize. Nico is the future of my life so I can't go wrong by focusing my energies onto him, being who he needs & teaching him about the wind, trees, music, love & anything else he may become interested in.

Yoga has moved up on my priority list in recent months & I don't see that changing. I have also taken a keen interest in astrology & using it to help those around me. Gemstones, herbs & one on one soul moving talks have really come into center stage this past year for me also so those are all things I will bring over into the new year with me to keep expanding & improving on.

Knowledge is power peepz, so keep reading, keep an open mind & keep an open heart!

I may not like the way I was treated by SEVERAL individuals this year but the best thing I can do is learn from it & use those lessons for future application.

I am grateful for my health, the roof over my head, my son, my family, my friends, music, yoga, spirituality & for the chance to live this crazy, intense, beautiful, chaotic life!

Sat nam*~

the mental struggle

How do I even begin to verbalize these feelings I cannot describe?
I'm fatally drawn to you, a deep connection like you were a love in my past life.
Ripped away much too soon but
Intuitively I feel the negative karma between you and me.
There's a block, a wall, a stop keeping me from understanding your complexity.
This burdens me, such a struggle for me
I am defeated each time you walk away seemingly care free
I don't think you need me.
You project your best onto me but tell me,
Do I burden your day like a heavy ball and chain?
This is magnetic, electric - intriguing, too intense to dismiss
your presence tortures me, the way you look through me, past me, beyond me
What is it that you see there?
I don't know how you perceive me
I take on the pain, trying to settle the score
Pull your cards, play that ace babe
Am I prepared to be the woman you replace?
Experiencing mental highs and spiritual lows, wondering where this connection may die...
No one knows.
I look up to you idealistically but you I'm beginning to see
You're not looking after me.

crystal therapy

When I was 16, I picked up my first gemstone at a local festival a neighboring town hosts each year called "The Riley Festival". Booths display primitive decorations, children's toys, handmade crafts and gifts, clothing, food and other various knick knacks. 

I had competed in the Riley Festival pageant that year and was serving a role on the court, with a three other girls, one of who bore a beautifully crafted silver locket ring on her hand. We were at the parade of flowers event, where children from local elementary schools come to bring the royal court flowers to be placed on the monument of James Whitcomb Riley.

I complimented her ring and asked her where she got it, she replied saying she had gotten it from a booth on the West end of the festival and I asked her to take me there later. She did and I bought my own silver locket ring for $50. I didn't know at the time that the stone inside the ring was a moonstone and much less understood the metaphysical properties of the ring or how much I would later come to love and identify myself with this stone.

Here is my enchanting ring:

Since then, my collection has grown vast. I can't recall exactly who told me the stone I had was a moonstone, but I believe it was a friend who is in the jewelry making business. She made me a moonstone bracelet and I was later gifted a few moonstone rings by a college boyfriend and have purchased for myself two moonstone pendants and most recently a moonstone necklace that bears five of those opalescent stones.

Moonstone is metaphysically known for the following: 
brings good fortune
assists in fortune telling
enhances intuition
promotes inspiration
brings success in love as well as business matters
offers protection at land and sea

Moonstone also opens the heart to nurturing qualities as well as assisting in the acceptance of love. It is an excellent crystal for a first or new love, and is a comforting talisman if love must be kept a secret. It was also believed to be able to reunite loved ones who had parted in anger.

~Sat Nam

What have I been up to lately? Update!

It is officially FALL! My favorite season of the year is finally here! I have already indulged in apple cider, salted caramel mocha from Starbucks, hot chocolate and hot chai tea ^_^

I have been wearing my black military boots, my chic brown, suede ankle boots and I am ready to wear my scarves too (but it hasn't been chilly enough for that, yet.)

With the cooler weather comes the coughing, sneezing, etc so I have already made an ER visit with Nicolas. He's okay. We were sent home with a nebulizer, albuterol and I learned just how brave my little man is! The hospital staff all gushed over him, saying how handsome and well behaved he was. He had a steroid injection of decadron (spelling?) & didn't even cry ;) That's my boy! He makes his momma proud every. single. day.

This past Sunday I ventured off with my parents and Nico to Morristown for a home style lunch at the Bluebird cafe & then we went to Metamora for the "Canal days" festival. Metamora visits are so nostalgic for me. Despite the rain, we enjoyed ourselves. I have to say I have felt disappointed in some of the vendors at my favorite festivals. A lot of them are flea market junk instead of hand made goods & it's frustrating. I want to see things people have put their talents and passions into creating! My mom pointed out a metaphysical shop so we ventured in. I noticed a trendy, young woman who was intrigued with moonstone, my personal favorite and I enjoyed watching her admire the pendant before deciding to purchase it along with a moonstone ring. I am guessing she was college age, probably not much younger than me, but I felt a bond with her because I could feel the vibrations in her voice, she felt the same attraction to this enchanting stone as me. I will write more on moonstone in another entry some time. As for me, I parted with blue lace agate, malachite, moonstone and bloodstone, all of which are new stones for me except, of course, moonstone! I also came away with a labradorite ring.

Labradorite is a "sister" stone to moonstone. I first learned of this stone a few months back when I ventured to a local metaphysical shop here in Indy, "The Magick Candle". The owner showed me two necklaces, a labradorite necklace and a moonstone necklace. I parted that day with the moonstone necklace (pictured below) *~

I have picked up a new craft. Needle felting! I discovered this because of some adorable, little animals I saw on Pinterest and when I consulted YouTube for tutorials, I realized it wasn't difficult at all :) I needle felted a little owl, little frog and "Luna" from my favorite childhood show, Sailor Moon. I am DIYing the gifts I give for Christmas this year & needle felting is a great start.

Speaking of DIYing for Christmas, I have really put some thought into this. I want to give gifts that I put effort and love into, not something I just picked up at the store. Plus, I am hoping these gifts will be more meaningful to my cherished ones who receive them. Gifts began home made anyways so I am just embracing the original form of gift giving :) Homemade potpourris, candies, baked goods, needle felted critters, etc will all be wrapped up this year. I am also looking forward to year #2 with the Elf on the Shelf! (Another topic I will post on in the future!)

And finally, I had the privilege of being my best friend's maid of honor at her vintage themed wedding this past Saturday! We all got beautified with our retro hair and makeup & definitely enjoyed that part!

She is officially a Mrs. *~ I am so happy for her, the ceremony and celebration after were so beautiful and I am glad she was able to fulfill her dream wedding!

Love you Ash!!

Have a great, Autumn day everyone! xo

Limiting Exposure to Negativity

Lately I have really become mindful of the power within me and how I can create my own happiness in any circumstance. This revelation is an exciting one for me and I'd like to share some quick mantras/affirmations with the followers of my blog who are open and ready to change their pattern of thought to allow miracles and happiness flow into their lives!

Sooo if you're ready, please continue!

To change your negative pattern of thinking you must begin to repeat over and over (and over again!) positive affirmations and believe them. When negative thoughts creep in and try to resist your positive thought pattern, don't be discouraged, but rather continue to repeat to yourself your affirmations.

Here are several I have been using as well as other examples:

I love myself just the way I am.
I am smart.
I am healthy.
I am blessed.
I am open to the gifts the universe has to offer me.
I am special.
I am helpful.
I am courageous.
I am a light of love to everyone around me.
I am patient.
I am kind.
I am forgiving of others and myself.
I am spiritual.
I am intuitive.
I am worthy of success.
I will achieve my dreams.

Positive thinking may seem like a bunch of hogwash, mambo jambo but we are stuck with our thoughts all the time so rewire them! Get positive! Let your light shine and march forward so others may see its beauty.

We are what we think! We process other people's energy too so it's important to filter your exposure to anything that brings you down...it can be a snarky co-worker, a passive agressive person on Facebook, a tv show, etc.

Identify anything that bothers you & once you have, bless it (or them) and release it.

Once you release whatever bothers you, affirm in your mind that you are moving forward. "I am loving, I am moving forward to receive the blessings life has to offer me".

I hope this has helped someone.

A final note, I used to look into the world, in others, in books, movies, music to be spiritual - but it is WITHIN ME that I have found it. I pray to talk to God and I meditate to let him talk to ME.
Search for the truth within you. God made you. The truth is within you!

Awakening my soul

I haven't written in months as I have been through a whirlwind of change. The Spring rushed into my life with a tornado effect that still has me reaching for steady ground. I don't want to divulge any details of what the Spring rain brought in, but I will just say that similar to a phoenix I have had to set myself on fire to regenerate from the ashes. I'm still caught in the flames & will be for quite some time until I can come out on the other side steadier, stronger & free.

I've withdrawn myself, seeking shelter with my family & the friends who know me best, cutting out any negative energies that were around me. Nicolas is my little spark of light, my constant. He is the one I'm fighting for and he's made me see my life is worth protecting too.

My pattern of thinking  before this revelation was ignorantly reckless, allowing anyone in my life who wanted to be there, never questioning their motives, never thinking anyone could bring darkness into my life. I am an open person, accepting and tolerant but certain people lately have caused me to be (no less tolerant) but  *aware*.

I do recognize now that people wear friendly masks, people talk a lot of snuff & people can be cruel. I am using my energy now to set my life on fire, run forward and one day at a time, I will accomplish my goals and the people who meant to cause me harm or hurt me won't affect me anymore.

My opinion of myself is the only one that matters. My perception of who I am is no longer validated by a man's compliments or weakened by his criticism. I am worthy of love, of my own love especially...which I so readily gave away to others before - now I will present it to myself. I am giving myself the gift of forgiveness and the gift of education. Nico is helping me too. He has given me the best gifts, showing me real, innocent, sweet baby love. His gaze, his smile, his laugh, the way he says "mama" and snuggles his head under my chin... his love is real. I am not a perfect person, but I am on fire...making my mark, and no one can come close enough to touch me until I allow that to be.

To close, here are some links
If you're not familiar with a Phoenix or the mythology here is a link from Princeton University
http://www.princeton.edu/~achaney/tmve/wiki100k/docs/Phoenix_(mythology).html

A song by another free spirit who I admire, this song is my recent anthem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78oSuSMmFsE

Post Partum Blog! (Finally!)

It has been almost two months since I wrote my last entry. I was 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant when I delivered my GORGEOUS little boy Nicolas James on January 16th, 2013. I was miserably pregnant and was sooo ready to deliver him! I delivered Nico at 10:30 (on the dot) that morning by cesarean. I had been in labor for 24 hours and the contractions paused at 9cm for six hours. Nicolas was positioned sideways, so my ob decided to send me for a C-section. I was devastated to deliver this way because my entire pregnancy I envisioned being able to push and have the doctor place him on my chest and have my mom and husband by my side...so my vision was taken from me within moments and that was pretty devastating. On the other hand, my mom reminded me that everything happens for a reason and that God was on my side. I knew she was right and I knew I would have my baby boy soon so I put on my brave face as the nurses wheeled me away to the operating room. I was pretty scared. I went from the dimly lit comfortably warm room with my family to a freezing cold, very bright operating room filled with at least ten staff members. I was overwhelmed and scared but when they let my husband come by my side a few moments later, I felt better. He rubbed my head while the anasthesiologist talked to me. I don't recall specifics about the conversation, I just remember being thankful someone was talking to me! The surgery went very quickly. The most memorable part was when the doctor asked my husband if he wanted to see, he said yes, stood up and I heard him say "Wow..." Moments later, I heard my son's first cry. Sweet relief! Tears filled my eyes. I was hearing my sweet little boy for the first time. I had imagined that moment for nine months and it finally happened. I craned my neck as far as possible trying to see him but there were too many staff members in the way. I was EXHAUSTED. I could barely move my head, but boy did I try...all I wanted was to see him. I got a glimpse of his little feet. I remember when they announced his birth weight, 9lbs and 1oz, 21 & 3/4 inches long and born at 10:30 on the dot! They swaddled up my big boy and put a little hat on his head, then handed him over to my husband behind me. If I turned my head I could see them together. I could barely keep my eyes open, but I fought to and when they did close, I just listened to my husband talk and talk so sweetly to our baby. I was blessed by those first moments of them together. How precious it was to listen to my husband speak to his new, tiny child.
I longed to hold him and I was jealous my husband got to hold him first, but I was content too. Child birth brings a range of emotions. It's amazing.

My son is 5 weeks old now. I have one more week home with him before I return to work. I haven't been away from him for more than a couple of hours, so I am having anxiety about leaving him. I am thankful to work for an employer who understands the family life, so he has been generous to work with me to develop a schedule I am comfortable with. My son is sweet, he smiles and coos. He is very active with his little hands and feet. I love to see him kick. He loves his elephant toy that plays music and the mommy bear that plays a heartbeat sound. I am breastfeeding and he is a noisy eater LOL. He can be fussy, but overall he is very calm. He uses his face to show us a display of expressions...some serious, some curious and some just downright funny! I love watching him. In these five weeks he has gone from 9lbs & 1oz down to 8lbs & 3oz then now up to 11lbs and 8oz! Big boy ^_^

I never knew I could feel this much love. I have gazed at him in awe and cried tears of joy. He completes me. I am SO proud to be his mommy. I cherish every little moment with this baby that God has blessed my life with and I will do everything I can to teach him the ways of God, to love people, to love himself and to be a good man...but for now, he's my little baby boy sleeping on my chest with his fuzzy hair & I couldn't be happier.