break through

my friends hate you

say you're pretty worthless

but I see you & God I'm helpless

there's more to life than things that make sense

this feeling, this attachment...

is it heaven sent?

you step close then back away

my hands reach for you

will you ever stay?

the words that I vomit

seem to suffocate you

so I'll stay silent

I'll find another way to break through

separately

you're a beautiful outcast like me

we run to the edge of town, separately

no room for discussion, we just experience things

I'm not so wild &  baby you're not free

in the forest, dark & deep

we find temporary comfort, but no sleep

you're scared of me

& I'm addicted to you

so we run in circles

because we've got nothin' else to do

Drowning

I'm lonely in the dark

Reaching for a feeling

The harder I try

The faster this slips through my fingers

I want to feel some stability 

But I'm drowning in the sea

Who will come to me?

In my time of need

I don't feel seen

I feel so badly perceived

I'm not this intense usually

I am free 

But I'm dying to be taken seriously 

Lakes of Fire

come to me with your weary bones

come to me in your sweet silence

come to me with all your wounds

you'll find me non reactive to your moods

come to me and lay down your head

come to me, don't leave, stay instead

come to me, honey don't hold back

you'll find this time I've let down the traps I had set

for you I have walked through lakes of fire

& I am ready to concede to the power of this

I am ever changing.

you invite me in where the waters are murky and deep
I think you expect me to set fire to the sea,
you believe I'll run right in without a blink
and I'm focused on you, securing my spot by your side
but you're leaving me balancing myself on the high wire,
you watch carefully from the shore while I brave the tide

I'm not blessed with an abundance of patience
so your steps sideways leave me so irritated
I regret the things I blurt out,
I regret telling you how much I'm in love with you
that my soul aches and yearns for you

you and me, a push and pull dance
am I want you want?
what do I make of this second chance?
you're here again and you're leading me
but the path is foggier than it's ever been

did you need to trick me into that emotional confession?
is this relationship real or am I obsessing?
our dynamic is bittersweet
And I am ever changing
I'm so traumatized, please don't leave me hanging

I am the magic.

I am the magic that I need

I gave away my power

seeing him as the magician in my world

but the true alchemist is me

come through

when he doesn't come through, you do

this whole scenario is so strange

we don't dance like other couples do

I push, you pull and we tip toe around

the depth of this is too much to lose

I'm not really sure why I love you

but looking at your slicked back locks, 

feeling your firm grip on my waist,

I know you're the man I'll never replace

rise against.

are you slipping into your suffering state?

do your writhe in your bed from your anger?

how does the silence surround you now?

and do you know how to reach out?

tiny fragments of bitter times

don't let the wolves eat your mind

the energy vampires, sucking you dry

can you rise against it this time?

don't resist the change

because what ends beckons a beginning

& even when lightning hits

the new world you'll find is liberating

stand tall against every dark creature who mocks you

ignore the ones who'd love to haunt you

this shit storm is slowly waning

and where you search, you'll find love waiting

conjunction.

I sense a change coming, rising around me

Requiring no validation from you, or you, or anyone 

Standing on my own two feet, I'll handle things myself

The universe has shaken me out of my co-dependence

I've been awakened, gained a new spirit of resilience

Change came slowly and so quickly, all at once

Shadowy figures of my subconscious now lend me clairvoyance

Somethings have ended, but there is this new beginning

I know now that when I don't depend on anyone else, I'm winning

A full, red rose blooming behind these golden eyes

Exterior beauty is fleeting, what's inside can't be disguised

If you think you knew all I could offer energetically

I think you'll find more to discover, I'm a mystery

Who are we but cosmic stardust underneath our fragile skin?

It takes true strength to be vulnerable, to let someone in

Patiently I look at you, looking at me 

and I've stopped wondering what you see

Our interaction, although unanticipated, is a beautiful collaboration

The timing is always right, the universe matching our vibrations

irresolution

laying in bed, reviewing our evening

you're on my mind while I stare at the ceiling

where I jumped before, I linger hesitantly now

wanting to let you in, but unsure how

maybe you recognize this irresolution in my eyes

the pool of emotion in them, I'm unable to disguise

when you hold me, I find myself wanting more of you

but my hands dare not move, I can't let you see inside

you see deception is what I had been handed

after handing over my heart, his name upon it branded

but he liked to squeeze it a little too tightly

and he liked the blood stains although I was frightened 

smiling at me in the most unsettling way

convincing me that no others would take me 

mocking me when I left him,

"no one you want will stay"

his words linger in my thoughts now

and even though you're here somehow

I doubt your very presence

your impending exit, sadly I expect this